For most of you, you already know all this but for my own benefit I want to share a story about me. This is something that happened in my life about 10 years ago and something I will feel guilty about, I am sure, for the rest of my life. The guilt is fading and I feel like she doesn't hate me for it or blame me but I can't help but realize the things and people that she was taken from because of a decision I made.
I spent some time after my 21st birthday and a bit before drinking and such. Nothing I could get arrested for :)
Today would have been my friends 31st birthday. It is hard to believe that is the case. At the time I was not the friend to her that she was to me. She helped me get my first job, remembered my birthday and got me a great gift, and was always ready to spend time doing what my sister and I wanted to do. Unfortunately a lot of the things we wanted to do did not include her daughter who was between 1 and 3 at the time. Again, another example of how not a good friend I was.
Because of her though, my sister and I are still alive today. We are both now married and my sister has 3 wonderful kids, the last of whom, I hope to be able to meet soon, and I am baking my 3rd precious child.
This past Saturday I went to visit my parents for the main reason, to visit my friends grave site. I am grateful for the time I am close so that I can visit her on her birthday. While there I felt very comfortable and at ease about a lot of things. I know she has been guiding me on some of the decisions I have made recently and I am sure she had something to do with me meeting my husband.
When the time comes and I get to meet her again I pray that I have the words that fully expresses the feelings I have wanted to share with her ever since our accident.
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